Category: Letter

You are all you have….

by disguisemeforever, posted in Covid-19, Corona virus, diary, Gratitude, Hope, Jouney, Letter, Life, love, Melbourne, relationship

Today while cleaning my bookshelf I came across my old diary. I randomly opened a page where I read the below excerpt dated May, 2014…almost six years back…

“Melbourne, the city of music, food and culture. The city which has embraced the culture of the world in itself. The city knows how to enjoy life, how to sing fearlessly, dance frictionless and live endlessly! It’s been more than a year here and I have never even looked at it honestly. But today, when I smell Autumn, I feel I am still alive, somewhere inside.

What do I love most about the city? Oh, the maple leaves, just love them! Red, green, brown, yellow, so many coloured maple leaves, I just love them! They teach me life, they make the city colourful, they are just so Victorian!

Now it’s Autumn here, the city is all Red! The smell is fresh and wild. The weather is calling. When I walk alone and the strangers smile back, I feel less scared, I feel more like home now.

Do I love Melbourne? Why not! The city has changed my life in just a year. It has taken away everything but returned back my own self to me. I am knowing myself now and honestly am much better a person than many! I now love myself, take care of myself and don’t have to rely on anyone! I love this unconditional me. Everything is gonna be okay.

When I see people, street artists dancing, singing, playing musical instruments, so carefree, on the road, with all their passion, I feel strong. I feel I can make it…make it to live, to love and be loved.

Melbourne,

May 24th, 2014”

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I couldn’t stop smiling and also had tears after I read this. The innocence in the writeup and gust of emotions hit me, but what amused me the most was my positivity!

Today we live in a strange time. COVID-19 has taught us many life lessons, shown us the reality of many friends and family and also made us value both things and people more. Life is never easy and you don’t need a virus to remind you that! But we have to sail through, we have to at least try…after all these years, whenever I see someone on the road, walking sadly, I smile at them because I know that once I was that sad person and how powerful a simple smile can be. The tiniest gesture of kindness can heal a soul, mend a broken heart and bring happiness to someone. We all are flawed, none are perfect, we make mistakes and learn and then make the same mistakes again. We all are fighting our own battles and hence kindness matters, more than before now. Treasure your loved ones but most importantly, treasure yourself, you are all you have! 🙂

My friend at the Cafe!

by disguisemeforever, posted in Gratitude, Journey, Letter, love, Melbourne

I have a friend at the coffee shop. I don’t know her name but she knows mine. She also knows what coffee I usually order. Every morning, one of the motivations I have, to come to office, is my coffee and a small chat with my friend. We talk about everything, about the weather, the food, my evenings, her evenings, about flowers and life in general.

She is a beautiful young lady with a warm smile. She talks to everyone very nicely; everyone likes her I believe. She has very beautiful eyes. Just the other day, my hands were very cold and I was freezing in the Melbourne winter. When she met me for taking my order, she was feeling bad for me and said I should buy gloves. Later, when I was going out for lunch, she offered me to wear her gloves, in case I am too cold. I felt really gratified with her gesture.

We don’t know each other well, neither we spend so much time together, but the small gestures of love make my day warm. Such are the effects of ‘being human’.

Today when I went to grab my afternoon coffee, the café was quite empty. My friend came over and offered me a cookie from her own share. I gladly accepted. Then she said today is her last day in this café! I felt a gush of sadness crept inside me. I didn’t know what to say! I looked at her and she smiled and said, “You’ll make new friends”. She said she is travelling to Northern Australia and after she comes back, she would join some other café, somewhere else. She also shared her gratitude towards me and said how nice its been talking to me all these last five months in this café.

I finished my coffee and walked up to her to say the final good bye. She gave me a hug and said, take care. I started walking back to my work and didn’t turn back.

They say, “Goodbyes are never forever”. I wonder why I felt bad when she said she is leaving, why I never asked her, her name. This is life! We make friends and then bid them farewell and then make new friends again in the journey of life. Sometimes you suddenly don’t see that same face you see everyday and search for it, faces change, everyday. Sometimes you can’t even say good bye to everyone you love. That’s the truth.

Just be nice to everyone you meet, say hi and ask how are they doing. Life is too short to have grudges. I will miss my friend at the coffee shop tomorrow, but who knows, maybe I will see another warm face saying, “What coffee would you like”? 🙂

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Dear Diary…

by disguisemeforever, posted in Gratitude, Jouney, Journey, Letter, Life

Dear Diary,

I am missing you a lot. When suddenly your pages were over, I was crammed with a sudden vacuum, despair, and fear. I shuffled through to the previous pages in the hope of coming across another blank page where I can write my thoughts down but there were none! You were suddenly over. I still started scribbling in the white spaces on the top of the margin area, or wherever I could find any half-filled pages. I just didn’t want to let go of you. I wanted to hold on to you till all the white spaces were filled with my thoughts, words, emotions, and feelings. I was possessive. Knowing the fact that I can always buy a new one, that there are millions of diaries being sold in this world everyday, I just couldn’t believe that my personal diary is not going to be with me anymore. It was a painful feeling.

I spent all night reading you from the scratch. Every page I read, my memories were reinvigorated. I could see things, feel them and sometimes even smell them. So many dates in a person’s life, so many wonderful experiences and some bitter ones. Some dates which are important and some events, which make the other dates important. All the events were very carefully articulated with my favourite fountain pen. I remember those moments when I wrote them and slowly we were Confidant. As days and dates turned through the pages, I started feeling better remembering the journey I had made in my life. ‘The only thing constant in life, was change!”

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It was dawn when I read the last page and then slowly closed you and held you close to my heart. When I closed my eyes, a few drops of tears rolled down my cheeks. It was as if I voyaged several years over a single night. Can’t believe we spent so many years together and now suddenly you and I will not be together anymore. But that’s life isn’t it? But you will always be close to my heart and whenever we want, will spend time together revisiting the memory lane. You will always be a Confidant and will always be closest to my heart.

Lovingly yours…

The Random Conscience!

by disguisemeforever, posted in Letter, Life, love

I am still a kid. I argue, I fight, I be adamant and then I cry. I am possessive, obsessed and sometimes even jealous. I break rules. I say sorry and do the same mistakes again. I am crazy, unreasonable but loveable. I like to watch the sky, the birds and the airplanes high up in the midst of the clouds. I love to get wet in the rain and play in the mud. I have a best friend. I want to drive a car and speed. I have no limits when I love. I have a mind which wanders around anywhere, anytime and comes back home once in a while. I hate definitions and boundaries. I am uncontrollable sometimes. I am loyal. I can confess. I stammer sometimes. I don’t hate pets. I am soft. I read books. I like poetry. I have favourites. I have innocence. My love is quite raw and unpolished. I like silence. I love noise. I love friends. I love music. I can’t dance but I love trying. I play games with myself. I am impractical. I am irrational. I can fight. I can win, even hearts. I love old people. I love surprises. I give surprises. I give gifts. I love camera. I love pens. I love memories. I dream. I dare. I fall and get up again and sometimes I again fall. I don’t give up. I hurt myself. I lose myself. I sometimes even find myself. I speak the truth. I am blunt. I am sharp. I am intelligent. I am the greatest fool. This is me, deal with me or let go.

P.S. I care.

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My Best Friend…

by disguisemeforever, posted in Gratitude, Journey, Letter, Life, love

She was the first one I shared my childhood secrets with. The one with whom I watched the first adult movie. Her absence taught me what “missing someone” is. She was the one to have never-ending chats and night-long discussions. Enjoying the festive seasons, crying on the regular break-ups, sharing ice creams and stupid jokes. She was just there.

Teenage transformed into adulthood. Best buddies to travel buddies. Guiding each other, celebrating our togetherness, dancing all night, singing songs while we forget the lyrics and laugh for hours. Always up for a drink. Shopping mates. Exploring life and the places together. Never busy to take calls. She was just there.

Slowly our life extended, people came and went. Bonds sometimes lasted, sometimes lost. Carefree girls became vigilant women. Life changed with the ticking of the clock. Sharing ice creams had changed to sharing the complexities of daily being. Our innocence had turned into being judgemental. Happiness sometimes was overshadowed by pain. But she was just there.

Life took different paths, went to different destinations, countries, but homecoming was always her. The mere presence meant healing. The warmth of the hugs could be felt for ages. Happiness was just looking into her innocent eyes. Her rebukes were life’s facts. Winter till summer, spring till autumn, she was just there.

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Sometimes we prioritize our relationships based on our feelings, our love, our understanding. We cry for undeserving people. But we forget that one person, with whom we travelled the most cherished days of our life. Such unconditional love, so much innocence in the touch and so less expectations. That one person, whom we call “best friend”, is just always there.

My year end journey….

by disguisemeforever, posted in Jouney, Letter, Life, love, Poetry

Another year ends. A year full of moments, full of journeys, smiles, tears, memories, love and pain. A year which will never come back. A time, which is now past.

Did I learn something new, did I loose someone, love someone or did I just breathe? Did I make a new friend? Saw a new place? Did I laugh this year? Or did I just live each day as it happened. Did I see the Sunrise or the Sunset..did I let my feet touch the water of the sea..did I feel the softness of the wet grass..did I remember to look up at the sky and see the birds fly to their nest? Did I help someone..did I make someone Smile..did I remember to say Thank You to the loved ones and mention that I love them too? Did I give mom a tight Hug? Did I spend some time with my best friend and tell her that she means the world to me? Did I gift someone flowers? Did I pamper myself..did I dream of a better tomorrow..did I forgive and forget? Did I thank God for being there?

Life changed each day, I grew up another year, saw a new daylight each day, met new people, learned to smile. Loved each moment and loved life every second. The mystery, the mist, the moments and the moon…life’s good. Thanks Time!

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My dearest Kolkata….

by disguisemeforever, posted in Letter

Was missing You a lot today, so thought of writing something about the ‘City of Joy’. Have hardly lived in the city for one and half years of my life, yet there is something, which makes me nostalgic about the city time and again.

The Kolkata rains, the noisy roads, the condemning bongs and the traffic jams. What a city! Art, culture, literature, history, as if a complete manuscript in itself. A city, which never siestas. A city, which awakens at the dawn and appreciates every moment of the day from the newspaper vendors throwing newspapers in the houses with amazing gradient, through the rowdy ‘Dalhousie’ streets full of yummy street food, till the ‘live’ rock band at ‘Someplace Else’. A city, which breathes, lives and teaches how to live.

I have seen Kolkata at night. The empty roads, the footpaths full of people who are peacefully asleep, the deserted richshaws, the neon street lights, the tram lines, the empty buses, and the lights of the Howrah Bridge and the Ganges..a sight which often makes me selfishly nostalgic. Euphoria.

If Kolkata is ‘Kalighaat’, it’s also ‘Tantra’. If Kolkata is ‘Victoria Memorial’, it’s also ‘Nandan’. If Kolkata is ‘Mohan Bagan’, it’s also ‘Sourav Ganguly’! If Kolkata is old, it’s also contemporary. Such an assortment can only be conveyed by this city. Am far away, yet in every city, I try to unearth Kolkata. As if it’s My City, where I belong. This selfish nostalgia might someday bring me closer to ‘You’, but for now, this long distance bond is the only tactic. Miss You Kolkata.

Love,

Me…