A new journey begins…

Archive for the ‘Soliloquy’ Category

A New Horizon!

Sometimes when I walk on the road, I suddenly look back, as if some known one is looking at me. But then I find no one. Sometimes someone crosses me in the crowd and I sense a known smell, but then I can’t find anyone. I question myself, what am I looking for? Whom am I looking for? But I don’t get an answer.

One day, while I was in a deep colloquy with myself, I realised that I must be waiting for someone, someone from the past. While I should enjoy my present, am still living in the past. I tell myself that while I walk on the road, instead of looking back, what if I bump onto someone interesting at the next turn! That person might be a new friend and much more interesting than the unknown person am waiting for! This thought makes me feel happy for the moment.

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Life is like an ice cream, the more you have, the more you crave for. We don’t acknowledge the things we have, we don’t treasure the people we have, instead we all are running for the mysterious happiness hidden in some horizon. There is no end and we always shape up a new horizon. Why does some things and some people leave such an unfathomable mark? Sometimes a good memory and sometimes a bad one but then the word memory itself is a past tense! What we have now is a moment, a precious moment. The search of happiness in the past or in that unknown horizon is much more painful than even the worst present day.

Have you had a meal? Do you have a family? Do you have shelter? Are you grateful for you are living the day? I keep asking all these questions. The answer comes, “Yes”. Then what am I looking for if I have everything. Why can’t I be happy? Maybe I am looking for happiness in wrong places, in wrong people, in mistaken memories. Happiness is when I wake up every morning and realise that all the people I love are with me and are healthy and alive. Happiness is believing that I can spend the rest of my life with myself.

I need to stop waiting, stop looking back at that stranger who doesn’t exist and realise that more than one person can smell the same! I need to look forward, make new friends, talk to strangers who smile back at me, search for happiness inside my soul than in someone else’s life. That horizon, that known smell, that someone looking at me…does not exist. We all wait for that sunrise when the sky would look the best, but we forget that even in the cloudy days, the sun rises as usual but is just shadowed by the clouds. The sun doesn’t leave us, just hide sometimes and shines bright again. Is it that challenging to acknowledge the moment and live a content life? I don’t have the answer, but I would continue to walk till I bump onto the more interesting ‘someone’! 🙂 Keep walking and soon the sun will shine brighter! 🙂

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The Soliloquy

The Request:

“I know you are listening, please open the door, am sorry. It’s been an hour already and am outside your door, please let me in and I can explain. The clouds look dark. It’s about to rain, please. I know you are standing there, tranquil, motionless yet frantic. Your eyes are all hazy with the tears you want to conceal. Your dignity overshadowing your pain. A small strip of hair falling across your face and concealing the depth of your feelings. Your fists clenched. Don’t fall apart; hang on, I will tell you the reason of this unscrupulous conduct of mine in the breach of the moment. I know you will understand. Just please let me in, let me hold you once, tight, and make you feel the warmth inside my heart, once please.”

The Plead:

“I will not leave without meeting you and confessing the truth. The truth, which will either change our lives or will end my life forever. So many things happen in our lives, can you always explain or define moments? Tell me if you can define all the moments we had together, our moments? I am already drenched. My eyes are filled with the rainwater, or are there tears? Tears, which are tearing me apart from you. Tears, which are craving to tell you my story, my delineation, my fragment of truth. Sometimes reasons even if unreasonable are facts. You have to listen to me; you have to know the truth. My voice is becoming feeble, my hands are damp, my feet shaking and my heart…my heart is still beating, though the beats are not perceptible but I know its beating. This life owes me a last chance.”

The Pain:

“I never knew you could be so harsh. Please, don’t do this to us. We deserve a life together; we deserve our share of happiness, our share of joy, of ecstasy and laughter and many more moments of togetherness. This rain cannot be the last rain in my life. We are just a door apart, please open this door for once and let life greet you, please open this door one last time and let us breathe few more breaths together. I promise to return your trust and turn all the pain into happiness. Please, I’m dying.”

 

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