The marketplace in India tells you what the real India is about. People who have so much pain in their lives, yet they are not scared to smile, to laugh and even to make you laugh!
I am still a kid. I argue, I fight, I be adamant and then I cry. I am possessive, obsessed and sometimes even jealous. I break rules. I say sorry and do the same mistakes again. I am crazy, unreasonable but loveable. I like to watch the sky, the birds and the airplanes high up in the midst of the clouds. I love to get wet in the rain and play in the mud. I have a best friend. I want to drive a car and speed. I have no limits when I love. I have a mind which wanders around anywhere, anytime and comes back home once in a while. I hate definitions and boundaries. I am uncontrollable sometimes. I am loyal. I can confess. I stammer sometimes. I don’t hate pets. I am soft. I read books. I like poetry. I have favourites. I have innocence. My love is quite raw and unpolished. I like silence. I love noise. I love friends. I love music. I can’t dance but I love trying. I play games with myself. I am impractical. I am irrational. I can fight. I can win, even hearts. I love old people. I love surprises. I give surprises. I give gifts. I love camera. I love pens. I love memories. I dream. I dare. I fall and get up again and sometimes I again fall. I don’t give up. I hurt myself. I lose myself. I sometimes even find myself. I speak the truth. I am blunt. I am sharp. I am intelligent. I am the greatest fool. This is me, deal with me or let go.
P.S. I care.
Sometimes you are happy! So happy that every part of your body, your mind, your soul is just dripping happiness. Every nerve, every vein, in fact every cell in your blood is just so happy. You feel like dancing, singing, may be even like screaming your heart out and say the world that you are happy! As happy as one can be! Everything feels right, every songs seems to be melodious, every food tasty, everyone around seems wonderful and even a stranger feels like an old friend! Oh the world feels so beautiful!
Then comes some grey clouds and make us sad. You hate everyone around. The same songs feel noisy, food distasteful, and the stranger is as if about to kill you. You don’t feel like talking to anyone because you are drowned in melancholy. No one understands you and you feel like a burden to this earth and the earth a burden to you! Your world collapses!
When I was learning swimming, I was very scared of the deeper end of the pool. My trainer used to say that when I reach the deeper end, I should switch off my mind and just not think anything. I should trust the water that it will hold me within itself and not let me drown. Wasn’t an easy one, trust me! After months of regular lessons, one day I went for swimming and I was a bit sad and unmindful that day. I swam to the deeper end, saw the depth of the pool underneath and was just ignorant and numb about it. I swam back safe and my trainer was smiling. She asked me if I was scared that day as well and I couldn’t honestly recall what was I thinking when I was on the deeper end!
Happiness, sadness, pain, anger, fear, anxiety, ecstasy are all like instructions or lessons we convey to ourselves. Then slowly we start to learn how to react to them. We laugh when we are happy and cry when we are sad. Then there are one of those days, when we just don’t feel anything. We are just numb! Sometimes you just have to let go and trust that this universe will hold you within itself! That you will survive…..
She was the first one I shared my childhood secrets with. The one with whom I watched the first adult movie. Her absence taught me what “missing someone” is. She was the one to have never-ending chats and night-long discussions. Enjoying the festive seasons, crying on the regular break-ups, sharing ice creams and stupid jokes. She was just there.
Teenage transformed into adulthood. Best buddies to travel buddies. Guiding each other, celebrating our togetherness, dancing all night, singing songs while we forget the lyrics and laugh for hours. Always up for a drink. Shopping mates. Exploring life and the places together. Never busy to take calls. She was just there.
Slowly our life extended, people came and went. Bonds sometimes lasted, sometimes lost. Carefree girls became vigilant women. Life changed with the ticking of the clock. Sharing ice creams had changed to sharing the complexities of daily being. Our innocence had turned into being judgemental. Happiness sometimes was overshadowed by pain. But she was just there.
Life took different paths, went to different destinations, countries, but homecoming was always her. The mere presence meant healing. The warmth of the hugs could be felt for ages. Happiness was just looking into her innocent eyes. Her rebukes were life’s facts. Winter till summer, spring till autumn, she was just there.
Sometimes we prioritize our relationships based on our feelings, our love, our understanding. We cry for undeserving people. But we forget that one person, with whom we travelled the most cherished days of our life. Such unconditional love, so much innocence in the touch and so less expectations. That one person, whom we call “best friend”, is just always there.
Just wanted to say Thank You……
You have taught me to say things I would otherwise keep to my heart. You have taught me to acknowledge and say Thank You. You have taught me to see the vastness of the sky and feel so small compared to it. You have taught me to smile at people, to ignore their ignorance and to love their virtue.
I used to complain if the day was too hot, or too cold, or too humid. I used to complain about bad roads and traffic jams. Now I can smile at dawn and greet the day with my warmth and thankfulness that I am alive. Now I know that however rocky the road is, it’s the journey that matters and not the destination. Now I know that a traffic jam is a reason to spend some more time with you!
The simplicity in life is its greatest virtue. To be simple, to cherish the sky, the nature, the seasons, the strangers, the known-ones, to ignore the immodest, to smile like a child, to cry like an infant, to share like a mother, to forgive like a teacher, to guide like a father and to love like a lover…is life! It’s not about those painful moments, its more about the moments of joy and ecstasy. You taught me many things in life which I would not otherwise understand. There are things beyond me, there is a whole world looking up at me and expecting something. There is a reason I was born. The day I realise that reason and smile back at the world, I am complete. I am living. I am alive.
I am an abandoned car, standing on the Highway. I am just left alone till…. I guess the Sunset.
You see those two figures, leaning against each other? There, look far on top of the small hill across the road. From there, the sunset can be viewed the best. They lean against each other slowly as the sun is all orange and dazzling. They look into the setting sun and promise each other another day full of love and compassion. They promise to be nice to each other. The setting Sun make them feel incomplete and as if they have to live another day, to make each other feel complete. As if, that one-day would give them all the joy they are looking for in the setting Sun. As if that one day would be the last day of their life.
The Sun is now almost about to embrace the horizon. Its aura left in the sky. The figures come closer. Their heads together and so are their hands. They close their eyes for a second before they see the sun go down the horizon. The sky as if becomes sad of being apart from the Sun and becomes darker. They kiss at the dawn of the dusk, their first kiss.