Yesterday was the first day of 2016. I was cleaning my house and wiping an old painting in my living room. There was a black mark on the right hand corner of the painting, which I was trying hard to remove. After several attempts when I was loosing my patience, my mom, who must have been watching me for a while, said, “The black scar is inside the frame and not external. Even if you try, it will be there like it has been since years. It’s this scar which makes this painting special dear’. She smiled at me and then went back to the book she was reading.
Wao! That was so true. We all have our scars, our hitches, our weaknesses, and our inabilities but then it’s those scars, which make us special! They make us different and in fact they define who we are. Sometimes the scars are peripheral and sometimes inner but who cares. They are ours. They tell our story, they tell how we faced life and even after we got hurt, got scarred, we stood up, fought and survived! If someone tries to change us, or get rid of our scars, well then that person is definitely not the one to be! Sometimes even we ourselves think that we are not perfect, we have this black mark in whatever way. We are so wrong and condemnatory towards self.
We are what our life’s journey has made us. We are the experiences we had and the fights we fought. We are survivors! No one is perfect and sometimes imperfection is our beauty, our pride and our inner soul. This new year, let’s promise that we will be happy the way we are and not be ashamed of our scars, be it inner or outer. We will laugh loudly, act madly, speak truly, dance insanely, live freely and love genuinely.
Wishing everyone a crazy new year 😉
Humans have managed to define every relationship, be it mother, father, husband, partner or friend. Every relationship has their outlined protocols and precincts. We behave the way we are supposed to when we fall in one of those defined categories. But sometimes the heart subjugates the brain and the frontiers are traversed.
A companion is a person who’s just there with you, like a perpetual company. A companion can be your best friend or anyone who is with you in your journey of life without much of an expectation. Companionship is beyond just friendship even if they are sometimes synonymous. The feeling that someone is there for you whatever may happen in life is what companionship is all about.
There are days when you don’t want to talk to anyone, no one! When you just want to talk to that one person who you know will listen to you without being judgmental and just smile and say, “Everything is fine”! You might not meet your companion everyday or even every year but you know that they are there with you every single moment. This feeling is very serene and comforting. We all are so lonely in this modern world. Social media connects us but is only a reflection of our social existence, which we want to share. No one cares what’s deep inside the heart and the mind, which is personal and never social.
Companionship is a bond, which is build in a certain moment and nurtured over time by being sincere to the relationship. You will only ever be lucky to have a companion if you are true to yourself and your companion. You don’t need any commitment other than that strong feeling inside your heart to trust this one person when the world seems void. Just lend your hand and you will feel the other hand holding on to yours. Life’s good when you have a companion 🙂
I am still a kid. I argue, I fight, I be adamant and then I cry. I am possessive, obsessed and sometimes even jealous. I break rules. I say sorry and do the same mistakes again. I am crazy, unreasonable but loveable. I like to watch the sky, the birds and the airplanes high up in the midst of the clouds. I love to get wet in the rain and play in the mud. I have a best friend. I want to drive a car and speed. I have no limits when I love. I have a mind which wanders around anywhere, anytime and comes back home once in a while. I hate definitions and boundaries. I am uncontrollable sometimes. I am loyal. I can confess. I stammer sometimes. I don’t hate pets. I am soft. I read books. I like poetry. I have favourites. I have innocence. My love is quite raw and unpolished. I like silence. I love noise. I love friends. I love music. I can’t dance but I love trying. I play games with myself. I am impractical. I am irrational. I can fight. I can win, even hearts. I love old people. I love surprises. I give surprises. I give gifts. I love camera. I love pens. I love memories. I dream. I dare. I fall and get up again and sometimes I again fall. I don’t give up. I hurt myself. I lose myself. I sometimes even find myself. I speak the truth. I am blunt. I am sharp. I am intelligent. I am the greatest fool. This is me, deal with me or let go.
P.S. I care.
Sometimes you are happy! So happy that every part of your body, your mind, your soul is just dripping happiness. Every nerve, every vein, in fact every cell in your blood is just so happy. You feel like dancing, singing, may be even like screaming your heart out and say the world that you are happy! As happy as one can be! Everything feels right, every songs seems to be melodious, every food tasty, everyone around seems wonderful and even a stranger feels like an old friend! Oh the world feels so beautiful!
Then comes some grey clouds and make us sad. You hate everyone around. The same songs feel noisy, food distasteful, and the stranger is as if about to kill you. You don’t feel like talking to anyone because you are drowned in melancholy. No one understands you and you feel like a burden to this earth and the earth a burden to you! Your world collapses!
When I was learning swimming, I was very scared of the deeper end of the pool. My trainer used to say that when I reach the deeper end, I should switch off my mind and just not think anything. I should trust the water that it will hold me within itself and not let me drown. Wasn’t an easy one, trust me! After months of regular lessons, one day I went for swimming and I was a bit sad and unmindful that day. I swam to the deeper end, saw the depth of the pool underneath and was just ignorant and numb about it. I swam back safe and my trainer was smiling. She asked me if I was scared that day as well and I couldn’t honestly recall what was I thinking when I was on the deeper end!
Happiness, sadness, pain, anger, fear, anxiety, ecstasy are all like instructions or lessons we convey to ourselves. Then slowly we start to learn how to react to them. We laugh when we are happy and cry when we are sad. Then there are one of those days, when we just don’t feel anything. We are just numb! Sometimes you just have to let go and trust that this universe will hold you within itself! That you will survive…..
She was the first one I shared my childhood secrets with. The one with whom I watched the first adult movie. Her absence taught me what “missing someone” is. She was the one to have never-ending chats and night-long discussions. Enjoying the festive seasons, crying on the regular break-ups, sharing ice creams and stupid jokes. She was just there.
Teenage transformed into adulthood. Best buddies to travel buddies. Guiding each other, celebrating our togetherness, dancing all night, singing songs while we forget the lyrics and laugh for hours. Always up for a drink. Shopping mates. Exploring life and the places together. Never busy to take calls. She was just there.
Slowly our life extended, people came and went. Bonds sometimes lasted, sometimes lost. Carefree girls became vigilant women. Life changed with the ticking of the clock. Sharing ice creams had changed to sharing the complexities of daily being. Our innocence had turned into being judgemental. Happiness sometimes was overshadowed by pain. But she was just there.
Life took different paths, went to different destinations, countries, but homecoming was always her. The mere presence meant healing. The warmth of the hugs could be felt for ages. Happiness was just looking into her innocent eyes. Her rebukes were life’s facts. Winter till summer, spring till autumn, she was just there.
Sometimes we prioritize our relationships based on our feelings, our love, our understanding. We cry for undeserving people. But we forget that one person, with whom we travelled the most cherished days of our life. Such unconditional love, so much innocence in the touch and so less expectations. That one person, whom we call “best friend”, is just always there.
Just wanted to say Thank You……
You have taught me to say things I would otherwise keep to my heart. You have taught me to acknowledge and say Thank You. You have taught me to see the vastness of the sky and feel so small compared to it. You have taught me to smile at people, to ignore their ignorance and to love their virtue.
I used to complain if the day was too hot, or too cold, or too humid. I used to complain about bad roads and traffic jams. Now I can smile at dawn and greet the day with my warmth and thankfulness that I am alive. Now I know that however rocky the road is, it’s the journey that matters and not the destination. Now I know that a traffic jam is a reason to spend some more time with you!
The simplicity in life is its greatest virtue. To be simple, to cherish the sky, the nature, the seasons, the strangers, the known-ones, to ignore the immodest, to smile like a child, to cry like an infant, to share like a mother, to forgive like a teacher, to guide like a father and to love like a lover…is life! It’s not about those painful moments, its more about the moments of joy and ecstasy. You taught me many things in life which I would not otherwise understand. There are things beyond me, there is a whole world looking up at me and expecting something. There is a reason I was born. The day I realise that reason and smile back at the world, I am complete. I am living. I am alive.