They say, “Everyone has their own song”. A song that connects them to eternity, to love, to life and to themselves. Similarly, every relationship has its own song. A song that is reminiscent of time immemorial or of something exceptional. A song is your own because it relates to some specific personal event, it is own because our life finds its rhythm and music in that song. Whenever we hear that song, we remember the event or the person to which this song is allied and treasure our solace at heart.
Some songs remind us of a journey, some remind us of home, some of our parents or grand parents, some songs remind us of friendship and some of love. Sometimes the tune of an old song takes you back to the memory lane and you even land up making a call to an old friend or a lost love. Some songs make you cry while some make you smile but every song stirs a feeling inside your heart. The tears are the witness of some painful incident with which this song was concomitant. The smile on the other hand is the evidence that this song is part of some happy memory. A song reflects the state of your heart at that instance of time and that in turn makes a song your own. You hum the tune when ever you want to revisit that occurrence of time.
Humans are very possessive. They don’t want to let go of time. They want to cling on to time either in form of a photograph or a song or a video or something tangible that takes them back to the memory lane. A song is a way to capture a moment forever. Sometimes on a gloomy day, I remember the lullaby my mom used to sing for me when I was a child, it’s a vent to revisit my childhood days. When I miss my best friend, I remember the songs we sang together on our journeys and in many of our memorable trips. My favourite songs have changed over time. Some new ones have become my favourite now and some old ones are slowly fading away from my memory with time.
I guess life is also like a song. People come and go, some stay forever and some fade with time. Lucky are those who find their song and for the rest, have you tried finding your song yet? 🙂
I am missing you a lot. When suddenly your pages were over, I was crammed with a sudden vacuum, despair, and fear. I shuffled through to the previous pages in the hope of coming across another blank page where I can write my thoughts down but there were none! You were suddenly over. I still started scribbling in the white spaces on the top of the margin area, or wherever I could find any half-filled pages. I just didn’t want to let go of you. I wanted to hold on to you till all the white spaces were filled with my thoughts, words, emotions, and feelings. I was possessive. Knowing the fact that I can always buy a new one, that there are millions of diaries being sold in this world everyday, I just couldn’t believe that my personal diary is not going to be with me anymore. It was a painful feeling.
I spent all night reading you from the scratch. Every page I read, my memories were reinvigorated. I could see things, feel them and sometimes even smell them. So many dates in a person’s life, so many wonderful experiences and some bitter ones. Some dates which are important and some events, which make the other dates important. All the events were very carefully articulated with my favourite fountain pen. I remember those moments when I wrote them and slowly we were Confidant. As days and dates turned through the pages, I started feeling better remembering the journey I had made in my life. ‘The only thing constant in life, was change!”
It was dawn when I read the last page and then slowly closed you and held you close to my heart. When I closed my eyes, a few drops of tears rolled down my cheeks. It was as if I voyaged several years over a single night. Can’t believe we spent so many years together and now suddenly you and I will not be together anymore. But that’s life isn’t it? But you will always be close to my heart and whenever we want, will spend time together revisiting the memory lane. You will always be a Confidant and will always be closest to my heart.
Yesterday was the first day of 2016. I was cleaning my house and wiping an old painting in my living room. There was a black mark on the right hand corner of the painting, which I was trying hard to remove. After several attempts when I was loosing my patience, my mom, who must have been watching me for a while, said, “The black scar is inside the frame and not external. Even if you try, it will be there like it has been since years. It’s this scar which makes this painting special dear’. She smiled at me and then went back to the book she was reading.
Wao! That was so true. We all have our scars, our hitches, our weaknesses, and our inabilities but then it’s those scars, which make us special! They make us different and in fact they define who we are. Sometimes the scars are peripheral and sometimes inner but who cares. They are ours. They tell our story, they tell how we faced life and even after we got hurt, got scarred, we stood up, fought and survived! If someone tries to change us, or get rid of our scars, well then that person is definitely not the one to be! Sometimes even we ourselves think that we are not perfect, we have this black mark in whatever way. We are so wrong and condemnatory towards self.
We are what our life’s journey has made us. We are the experiences we had and the fights we fought. We are survivors! No one is perfect and sometimes imperfection is our beauty, our pride and our inner soul. This new year, let’s promise that we will be happy the way we are and not be ashamed of our scars, be it inner or outer. We will laugh loudly, act madly, speak truly, dance insanely, live freely and love genuinely.
Wishing everyone a crazy new year 😉
Humans have managed to define every relationship, be it mother, father, husband, partner or friend. Every relationship has their outlined protocols and precincts. We behave the way we are supposed to when we fall in one of those defined categories. But sometimes the heart subjugates the brain and the frontiers are traversed.
A companion is a person who’s just there with you, like a perpetual company. A companion can be your best friend or anyone who is with you in your journey of life without much of an expectation. Companionship is beyond just friendship even if they are sometimes synonymous. The feeling that someone is there for you whatever may happen in life is what companionship is all about.
There are days when you don’t want to talk to anyone, no one! When you just want to talk to that one person who you know will listen to you without being judgmental and just smile and say, “Everything is fine”! You might not meet your companion everyday or even every year but you know that they are there with you every single moment. This feeling is very serene and comforting. We all are so lonely in this modern world. Social media connects us but is only a reflection of our social existence, which we want to share. No one cares what’s deep inside the heart and the mind, which is personal and never social.
Companionship is a bond, which is build in a certain moment and nurtured over time by being sincere to the relationship. You will only ever be lucky to have a companion if you are true to yourself and your companion. You don’t need any commitment other than that strong feeling inside your heart to trust this one person when the world seems void. Just lend your hand and you will feel the other hand holding on to yours. Life’s good when you have a companion 🙂
I am still a kid. I argue, I fight, I be adamant and then I cry. I am possessive, obsessed and sometimes even jealous. I break rules. I say sorry and do the same mistakes again. I am crazy, unreasonable but loveable. I like to watch the sky, the birds and the airplanes high up in the midst of the clouds. I love to get wet in the rain and play in the mud. I have a best friend. I want to drive a car and speed. I have no limits when I love. I have a mind which wanders around anywhere, anytime and comes back home once in a while. I hate definitions and boundaries. I am uncontrollable sometimes. I am loyal. I can confess. I stammer sometimes. I don’t hate pets. I am soft. I read books. I like poetry. I have favourites. I have innocence. My love is quite raw and unpolished. I like silence. I love noise. I love friends. I love music. I can’t dance but I love trying. I play games with myself. I am impractical. I am irrational. I can fight. I can win, even hearts. I love old people. I love surprises. I give surprises. I give gifts. I love camera. I love pens. I love memories. I dream. I dare. I fall and get up again and sometimes I again fall. I don’t give up. I hurt myself. I lose myself. I sometimes even find myself. I speak the truth. I am blunt. I am sharp. I am intelligent. I am the greatest fool. This is me, deal with me or let go.
P.S. I care.
Sometimes you are happy! So happy that every part of your body, your mind, your soul is just dripping happiness. Every nerve, every vein, in fact every cell in your blood is just so happy. You feel like dancing, singing, may be even like screaming your heart out and say the world that you are happy! As happy as one can be! Everything feels right, every songs seems to be melodious, every food tasty, everyone around seems wonderful and even a stranger feels like an old friend! Oh the world feels so beautiful!
Then comes some grey clouds and make us sad. You hate everyone around. The same songs feel noisy, food distasteful, and the stranger is as if about to kill you. You don’t feel like talking to anyone because you are drowned in melancholy. No one understands you and you feel like a burden to this earth and the earth a burden to you! Your world collapses!
When I was learning swimming, I was very scared of the deeper end of the pool. My trainer used to say that when I reach the deeper end, I should switch off my mind and just not think anything. I should trust the water that it will hold me within itself and not let me drown. Wasn’t an easy one, trust me! After months of regular lessons, one day I went for swimming and I was a bit sad and unmindful that day. I swam to the deeper end, saw the depth of the pool underneath and was just ignorant and numb about it. I swam back safe and my trainer was smiling. She asked me if I was scared that day as well and I couldn’t honestly recall what was I thinking when I was on the deeper end!
Happiness, sadness, pain, anger, fear, anxiety, ecstasy are all like instructions or lessons we convey to ourselves. Then slowly we start to learn how to react to them. We laugh when we are happy and cry when we are sad. Then there are one of those days, when we just don’t feel anything. We are just numb! Sometimes you just have to let go and trust that this universe will hold you within itself! That you will survive…..